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Although the topic of this article may have taken you somewhat by surprise at first, sleeping apart in marriage is more common than you think. There can be many reasons for this. For example, when your restless spouse kicks you out of sleep too often, you might think that having a bed or even an entire bedroom to yourself could be a great solution.Several surveys have revealed that many Americans are following this idea and moving into a separate bed or bedroom while staying in the relationship. According to a New York Times survey conducted by the International Housewares Association, one in five couples in the U.S. sleep in separate bedrooms. Most of those who sleep separately do so every night, according to the January survey of 2,200 Americans. “I think it’s a lot more common than people think,” Manhattan interior designer Rodney Lawrence tells the Times. So let’s take a look at some of the pros and cons of couples sleeping in separate bedrooms.
One of the main reasons why couples seek out twin beds is because they have different sleeping and waking routines. This claim was made by Naturepedic, a mattress company. In fact, it conducted a study on the subject in which 800 people participated. Half of the 800 respondents said that they live in a healthy relationship while sleeping in separate beds. This means that partners do not disturb each other when they get up at different times of the day and get better quality sleep. The other half were in a partnered relationship and routinely slept in the same bed as their spouse or partner.
Separate sleeping arrangements seem to reduce stress for some people. And this is especially true for people who co-sleeping makes them think about whether their relationship can work. A 2020 survey on sleep among medical students at a Saudi Arabian medical school concluded that poor sleep quality was significantly related to increased stress levels. Sexologist Weiss also says, “Separation, even if only during sleep, minimizes the occasions when you go on your nerves.At the same time, it can help maintain or rekindle the spark in a relationship.”
━━ Some cannot imagine sleeping separately, others would welcome it. However, social opinion can play a role.
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One of the disadvantages of sleeping apart can be the opinion of your surroundings. If you make it known that you and your spouse are sleeping in separate beds, you risk facing disapproval from friends, family and even strangers. Although no one can see into your relationship, some people may still decide that this is a sign that your relationship is sexless or teetering on the brink of a breakup. However, the opinions of others should not determine how you live your life.
Separated sleeping arrangements, however, carry a more serious risk than the opinion of others. Partners can more easily drift apart, avoiding each other and failing to solve problems together, says therapist Bingner. “If you don’t have any contact with your partner … it’s very easy to lose any sense that you’re anything more than a team raising and working together.” Adds Sophie Jacobi-Parisi, a New York lawyer.
